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You Might Be a Minor Hockey Parent

September 21, 2012
by JRiddall
hockey dad

Image courtesy of Macleans.ca – http://www2.macleans.ca/2011/09/13/your-guide-to-this-season%E2%80%99s-hockey-parents/

I began this with a list originally forwarded by a hockey Dad from the Devil’s team who received it in an email from yet another hockey Dad.  We joked over a couple of beers we were enjoying while our daughters were working hard at practice. Several of the Ifs hit really close to home.  I’ve added a few of my own and welcome any others you can think of.  If you’ve done any, or like me, many of these……youuuuuu just might be a hockey parent (with deference to Jeff Foxworthy and his little Redneck thing).

If you base the next purchase of a vehicle on how many kids, sticks and hockey bags it will hold.

If you know the location of every Tim Horton’s within a 400 kilometre radius.

If you give directions to places relative to the closest arenas.

If you’ve quoted Don Cherry, Wayne Gretzky, Gordie Howe or lines from the movie Slap Shot in conversations with your kids.

Slap Shot Movie

If you know the name of every single kid on every single team your kids have every played on……. but don’t have a clue who their  school mates are.

If you’ve lost your voice at a weekend tournament.

If the smell of a locker room or unwashed hockey gear doesn’t make you nauseous or if,  in truth, you actually enjoy it.

If you feel lost when you have a hockey free weekend.

If your spouse waits until you decide where to sit and then chooses a spot on the opposite side of the arena.

If you know at least three rink rats on a first-name basis.

If you can justify complaining about someone who donates hundreds of hours of volunteer time to your son or daughter.

If you ground your kids for a week when they misbehave (except for hockey practice).

If you’ve had to replace panels or your entire garage door after several pucks were shot at or through them.

If you’ve rationalized spending $250 on a Synergy for a 9 year old, but won’t spend $5 on a birthday card for your wife.

If when someone asks how old your children are you respond, “I have a ’95 and a ’97.”

If practices are a major part of your social life.

If you buy gloves according to how loud you can clap in them.

If you don’t mind the giant dead spot in your backyard where the rink used to be.

Courtesy Backyard-Hockey.com

If you find yourself missing the parents of your kids’ teammates during the off-season.

If you rank arenas based on the quality of their french fries.

If you refuse to make any plans with your friends until you check your kids’ hockey schedules.

If you open a credit line to pay for all the registration fees, equipment and travelling expenses.

If you’ve ever leaned to the left or the right to psycho-kinetically attempt to help your did avoid a hit or guide a puck into a net from 150 feet away.

If all of your computer passwords begin with “hockey” or contain your child’s jersey number.

If your wedding anniversary celebration has included a watching a game or practice followed by a trip to McDonalds or some wing joint.

If you have been barred from more than one rink on more than one occasion for bad behaviour.

If you’ve purchased a new $200 stick because old one “didn’t have any goals left in it.”

If you know a few 5 year olds who are good, but “lack focus.”

If your kids have asked if Christmas is “Home or Away” this season.

or

If you’ve sat up all night with pre-game jitters in anticipation of a game you aren’t even playing in.

You juussst might be a hockey parent.

I’d love to see this list grow so let me know what you can add in the Comments below.

 #imahockeydad

23 Comments leave one →
  1. September 21, 2012 9:09 am

    Awesome post

    I can check a few of these myself

    Of course, I can add, letting your kids lose to destroy the hotel at any out of town tournament, especially the NavCan Cornwall one

  2. September 21, 2012 9:17 am

    I have one. You can justify telling your 8 year old kid that they cant swim before a game because it’s draining

  3. December 13, 2012 12:17 pm

    Ugh, you mean now I have to change all my passwords? 😉

  4. MomOfTheGoalie permalink
    February 14, 2013 8:32 am

    You see family based on how close they live to away games.

    You take your child to Sticks and Pucks in the afternoon, after s/he’s had a 7am game.

    You know which rinks have the hottest coffee.

    You figure out which rinks are “cold” and which ones are “fine.” (probably more of a hockey mom thing!)

    • February 14, 2013 8:46 am

      Great additions to the list Mom. I can especially relate to the first one for friends and family.

  5. September 14, 2014 2:11 pm

    YOU KNOW YOU’RE A HOCKEY FAMILY WHEN… the neighbors look over the wall to find a Christmas Tree of hockey equipment orniments airing out!

  6. Rhonda permalink
    January 16, 2015 11:55 am

    You have at least three blankets in your car year round.
    Your family holidays are away tournament.
    Your volunteer career is more demanding then your career that pays the bills.

    • January 16, 2015 12:10 pm

      Yes, yes and yes Rhonda…particularly #2 and 3 for me. Thanks for the adds.

  7. L Reid permalink
    January 17, 2015 6:05 pm

    If you carry extra equipment in your truck so no kid has to sit out…mouth guard, cup, elbow pads etc.

    • January 17, 2015 6:14 pm

      Yes, been there…done that Lynda. Thanks for chiming in.

  8. Ruby permalink
    January 19, 2015 3:39 pm

    If your summer vacation is a week of hockey school!
    If your sons and grand sons where the same #jersey
    If you name your child or pet after a pro Hockey Player!
    If you’ll buy your kid a new $200.00 stick but not yourself a $200.00 pair of shoes ha!

    • January 19, 2015 4:39 pm

      Ruby,

      Do you have a kid named Wayne and a cat named Sidney?

      j.

  9. Jeffrey Sigan permalink
    January 21, 2015 3:09 pm

    We plan our family vacation between regular season and spring hockey

  10. Steve permalink
    January 21, 2015 9:22 pm

    If you give the younger sibling(s) the money in your wallet to by crappy Ice Rink food, and give them IPads so YOU can watch the game…

    If you believe Ice Rinks are enlarged Day Care Centers, and allow your younger children to run around creating havoc from sugar shock with all your others son’s teammates younger brothers and sisters……

    • January 21, 2015 11:07 pm

      Steve,

      Some rinks still have those evil gumball machines to keep the sugar shock at a maximized level. As long as they’re occupied, it’s all good. Thanks for the comment.

  11. Sherry Winchester permalink
    January 22, 2015 9:32 am

    I’m a grandmother now, but was a single mom running three boys to hockey. I just came across a post of a recipe for cream of cauliflower soup with corn. I had to laugh at the memories that came back to me, because at our arena, they had a pot of this on, every Sat. and Sun. morning and that was our breakfast for years. Now I’m craving it, and going to make me some!!!

  12. Sherry Winchester permalink
    January 22, 2015 9:37 am

    When your arena makes a pot of cream of cauliflower soup, and that’s your breakfast for years

    • January 22, 2015 11:15 am

      With a side of over cooked hot dogs spinning on rollers since 1982… 😉 Thanks for the memory Sherry.

  13. Mike Weigrl permalink
    January 22, 2015 8:25 pm

    If you plan thanksgiving dinner around games and practices that weekend

    • January 22, 2015 8:35 pm

      Mike…I believe I may have at one point actually eaten a leftover turkey sandwich at a rink…Yikes.

  14. May 22, 2015 7:05 pm

    How about doing a thread of ‘You know you’re a hockey player/Barn Boy/Pipesy when…’ because I’ve got a few good ones:

    – ykyahp when you pay to get into the rink just so you can do your revision/homework/paperwork there*
    – ykyahp when you have stuck things together with sock tape, or sealed a bandage with stick tape
    – ykyahp when you keep your spare meds at the rink because you’re there half the time anyway
    – ykyahp when you’ve had a worried neighbour hearing you taking shots in your yard and thinking that there’s a gunman on the loose
    – ykyahp when the sound of a Hockey Dad yelling “do the butterfly!” to his tendie son doesn’t phase you in the slightest
    – ykyahp when you refer to starting a fight as ‘dropping your gloves’ even when the fight in question is nowhere near the ice and
    – ykyahp when you start a fight with the words ‘come out and play!’

    *at my nearest rink, you can observe at Patch Ice sessions every day for £1.80 a session, and in that price you get a free soft drink, which is pretty neat!

    Or even ‘you know you’re a short hockey player when…’ all your friends are complaining about how their new skates are £200 and you’re just sat there smirking because you could get the same pair at half the price…(although one of many downsides is being unable to reach a teammate’s cage in a fight…or even having one person refuse to fight you because you’re a foot shorter than them!)

    I’m also an ambidextrous player – filling a niche there – which gets plenty of dirty jokes about ‘playing it with both hands’ etc. (all in jest, though; all in jest).

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