10 Telltale Signs of a Hockey Dad
If you’ve begrudgingly or otherwise experienced any of the items in the list below…….you may be a Hockey Dad. For the record, I have either performed or witnessed all of these in the past three months. We Hockey Dads are a special, beautifully flawed breed.
1. Broke land speed records and at least three Highway Traffic Act laws to get from one rink to another to see the last five minutes of your other kid’s game.
2. Rushed to the local Emergency Room to deal with a hockey-related injury including, but not limited, to:
- a sprained shoulder sustained in an ice-crashing, thud during an exhibition/tryout game
- a potentially fractured nose, the result of an errant slap shot launched at your own unprotected and obviously unsuspecting face during extra practice on the driveway
- a leg lacerated by a misguided, skate blade requiring three inner and eight outer stitches
- a badly bruised elbow coupled with a well-struck funny bone that certainly wasn’t all that funny
3. Arrived home after work on a night you didn’t have a hockey game, hockey practice or hockey-related meeting and proceeded to plop yourself on the coach to watch….hockey.
4. Turned around and drove 20 minutes back to your house to retrieve the pucks, stick, jersey, helmet, skates or other necessary piece of equipment “YOU” forgot to pack in the car on the way out the door.
5. Arrived at the rink over three hours early to scout the teams you may be playing later that day.
6. Woke up on a weekend morning, well before the sun, and far earlier than you would during the week to go to work to venture off to a rink for a game or practice.
7. Driven around in near-zero temperatures with all of the minivan windows rolled down and several strategically positioned air fresheners dangling from the roof to combat the stench of particularly malodorous equipment.
8. Lay awake in bed till past 1am reviewing the last game or next practice in your overactive brain.
9. Heard your voice crack like that of a prepubescent school boy as you implore the Boy or the Devil to track down that loose puck or bury the opportunity in the high slot.
10. Spent an inordinate amount of time chronicling your experiences in and out of arenas as a means of virtually commiserating with vast leagues of other parents just like you.
Feel free to add to this list, which is far from definitive, but a good start with which I am certain many Dads who walk in similar shoes to mine can relate.